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23 LGBTQ+ Books To Read In 2023
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23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023 495 400 cj

23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023
23 LGBTQ+ Books To Read In 2023

23 LGBTQ Books to Read in 2023

By Leo Kirkham

Finding a good book is no easy feat. But whether it’s gray and rainy or shining and bright, this list of 23 new releases in 2023 books will help you get through your day with a smile on your face. Books with autistic representation are marked with an asterisk (*).

The Daughters of Izdihar by Hadeer Elsbai

In this book inspired by modern Egyptian history, Nehal is a young woman who desires to pursue an education in elemental magic. However, her father’s debts force her into an arranged marriage with a man who is in love with another woman, a bookseller named Giorgina. Giorgina is an earthweaver with uncontrollable powers who participates in the Daughters of Izdihar, a radical women’s rights group. As tensions rise with a neighboring nation and war looms in the background, Nehal and Giorgina must struggle to earn and keep their freedom.

Young adult, fantasy

Available January 10, 2023

A Tale Of Two Princes by Eric Geron

In this Parent Trap-style story, Edward and Billy are long-lost twins living vastly different lives–one as a prince, one in rural Montana–until a chance reunion in NYC brings them together. This story of growing pains and new beginnings is kicking off our year with a royal start.

Young adult, contemporary

Available January 10, 2023

Sorry, Bro by Taleen Voskuni

An Armenian-American woman is thrust into a month-long event series called “Explore Armenia” by her mother, who is pressuring her to find a husband. But it’s not the mom-approved doctor or engineer who catches her eye, it’s a woman named Erebuni. As the closing event looms and her whole family will be there, her worlds – proudly Armenian, proudly bisexual – are about to collide.

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available January 31, 2023

The Black Queen by Jumata Emill

Nova, the first Black homecoming queen at Lovett High, is found murdered. Her best friend, Duchess, is determined to expose the killer, who she believes is the beautiful, wealthy, and white popular girl who wanted the crown for herself, Tinsley McArthur. Duchess’s father is the first Black police captain in Lovett, and he falls behind the blue line and lets Tinsley walk. In order to prove that Tinsley is guilty, Duchess is going to have to get close to her.

Young adult, mystery

Available January 31, 2023

Hijab Butch Blues: A Memoir by Lamya H

A play on the classic novel, Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg , Hijab Butch Blues focuses on a queer hijabi Muslim immigrant who is surviving her coming of age by drawing strength from the Quran.

Nonfiction, memoir

Available February 7, 2023

She is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran

Another spooky read, She is a Haunting tells the story of a young Vietnamese girl, closeted to her estranged father, visiting him for a month in his French colonial house he is renovating. She wants to get in and get out of the house with the college money her father has promised her, but the house has other ideas. She keeps waking up paralyzed and covered in insect legs, haunted by the ghost of a bride who gives her one warning: don’t eat.

Young adult, horror

Available February 28, 2023

*The Ojja-Wojja by Magdalene Visaggio and Jenn St-Onge (illustrator)

Val and Lanie, eighth graders in a mysterious small town, experience a ghost sighting. After a run-in with the school’s queen bee (and Lanie’s former friend), they accidentally summon the Ojja-Wojja, a demon connected to the town’s dark history. With all hell breaking loose, Val, Lanie, and their small group of friends must save the town.

Graphic novel, horror, mystery

Available Mary 7, 2023

Something Wild & Wonderful by Anita Kelley

From the author of Love & Other Disasters comes a story about two men hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. In a grumpy-meets-sunshine rom-com, these two men must make decisions about their journeys – on the trail and off.

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available March 7, 2023

*This Is the Way the World Ends by Jen Wilde

At a scholarship dinner for her prestigious school, Waverly witnesses a brutal murder, followed by a global blackout. Waverly, her crush, and her friends must navigate through a maze of elevators, secret passageways, and back rooms to escape the masquerade ball and survive the night.

Young adult, mystery, thriller

May 9, 2023

The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour

The Season 9 winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race combines memoir, queer theory, and history into a stunning manifesto of drag.

Nonfiction, memoir, illustrated

Available April 4, 2023

Just As You Are by Camille Kellogg

As a writer at a queer magazine, Liz is not thrilled to learn that a new minority investor, Daria, is making big changes at her firm to cut costs. Daria is also critical of Liz’s writing, but just when Liz thinks she’s going to get herself fired with a mouthy comment, she spends more time with Daria and gets to know her soft side. Against her better judgment, Liz is feeling chemistry between them. Where will they go from here?

Adult, contemporary, romance

Available April 25, 2023

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune

In this sci-fi retelling of Pinocchio, a human raised by a robot learns of his father’s dark past, and their family is suddenly on the run from authorities. To save his robot father from being deprogrammed, Victor must make decisions about what love and family means.

Adult, sci-fi, fantasy, fairytale retelling

Available April 25, 2023

*Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl by Sara Waxelbaum and Brianna R. Shrum

Freshly out as gay to herself, and an overachiever, Margo is determined to master her gayness. In exchange for history tutoring, Abbie gives Margo Zimmerman “Queer 101” lessons. But as they spend more time together, Margo starts to realize she doesn’t want just any girl – she wants the girl.

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 2, 2023

The Sun And The Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro

For Percy Jackson fans, this new book features the side characters and gay couple Nico and Will in a book of their own. Filled with mythology and adventure, this is a don’t-miss for fans.

Middle grade, fantasy

Available May 2, 2023

Only This Beautiful Moment by Abdi Nazemian

From the Stonewall Honor-winning author of Like a Love Story comes a story of three boys from separate generations of an Iranian family – one in 1939, one in 1978, and another in 2019 – each of them battling a unique challenge with their identity, sexuality, and intergenerational trauma.

Young adult, contemporary, historical fiction

Available May 9, 2023

You Don’t Have a Shot by Racquel Marie

Valentina arrives at her childhood summer soccer camp only to realize that her soccer rival, Leticia, is now her co-captain, and college scouts will be watching their skills as a team. Will they be able to put aside their differences and work together?

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 9, 2023

Fake Dates and Mooncakes by Sher Lee

In this young adult rom-com, Dylan wants to win the mooncake-making competition to support his family, but when distraction Theo shows up and asks him to be his fake date to a wedding in the Hamptons, can Dylan follow his heart and save his family’s business?

Young adult, contemporary, romance

Available May 16, 2023

*The Luis Ortega Survival Club by Sonora Reyes

Warnings: sexual assault

Ariana, a queer autistic girl, is a victim of sexual assault at a high school party. When an unlikely group of students emerges determined to expose the truth and defend Ariana, this brave and heart-wrenching story turns to one of friendship and camaraderie when it matters most.

Young adult, contemporary

Available May 23, 2023

Pageboy by Elliot Page

The famous actor came out as trans in 2020 and plans to release his memoir this year. He wrote in his book announcement, “Books have helped me, saved me even, so I hope this can help someone feel less alone, feel seen, no matter who they are or what path they are on.”

Nonfiction, memoir

Available June 6, 2023

The Sea Elephants by Shastri Akella

Set in 1990s India, a young gay man runs away to escape his father’s threats to send him to a conversion camp. He joins a street theater troupe, playing the role of humans and gods, men and women, and he finally starts to feel like himself.

Adult, literary fiction

Available July 11, 2023

by Jake Maia Arlow

This book follows a middle school girl dealing with a Crohn’s disease diagnosis and the discovery that she is queer. With humor and honesty, this book is perfect for your middle schooler or for anyone willing to revisit those painful years.

Middle grade, contemporary

Available August 1, 2023

Teach the Torches to Burn by Caleb Roehrig

In this Romeo & Juliet retelling, a queer teen boy in Verona, Italy harbors a secret from his family: he only likes boys, and he doesn’t want to marry a woman to uphold his family’s “honor.” One night, he sneaks into a Capulet party with his cousin and meets Valentine, the sweetest, most beautiful boy. A tender romance begins as the conflict between the Montagues and the Capulets rages on, and Romeo and Valentine are in danger of losing each other forever.

Young adult, historical fiction, Shakespeare retelling

Available August 22, 2023

*The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

In late 1800s London, a transgender boy with autism and the ability to commune with spirits falls ill and is sent away to a boarding school, where the ghosts of missing students begin asking him for help.

Young adult, horror, historical

Available September 5, 2023

Looking for fun, social programming for a teen or young adult, visit Kaleidoscope’s events page here.

Interested in therapy?  The Help Group’s Lumina Counseling has appointment availability throughout the week and weekends, both in-person and online. To learn more, visit Lumina Counseling’s website here.

Self Love on Valentine's Day
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Self Love on Valentine’s Day 495 400 cj

Self Love on Valentine’s Day
Self Love on Valentine's Day

Self Love on Valentine’s Day

By Leo Kirkham

Valentine’s Day is an ancient holiday that has changed over time from a feast day to honor the Christian martyr Saint Valentine, to a holiday celebrating love and romance across the world.

Some queer and trans people feel that Valentine’s Day is an overly commercialized, heteronormative holiday. There’s a social expectation on Valentine’s Day that a man will purchase flowers, chocolates, and a Hallmark greeting card for a woman.

From a trans person who doesn’t fit this gender binary, to a gay man who would prefer to be buying the chocolates for another man, to an asexual or aromantic person who doesn’t even have an interest in the whole affair, there are many ways that this traditional Valentine’s narrative does not fit the LGBTQIA community.

Rather than participating in the commercial holiday – or in addition to it! – I suggest the following tips for cultivating self-love and community on Valentine’s Day:

Let go of the need for a date or romance on Valentine’s Day.

You don’t need to participate in romance if you’re not interested. Cancel that dinner reservation and have a cozy night in with your friends, family, or loved ones. Love can take many forms.

Make handmade Valentines instead of buying a generic card.

The love and care that goes into a handmade card can be felt by the receiver. Have fun with some arts and crafts and make your own Valentine this year.

Not feeling crafty, but still want to bring a smile to your friends’ faces? Look up some Valentine’s memes and send them the pictures!

Take yourself on a date.

Draw yourself a bubble bath, read a nice book, curl up on the couch with some reality TV and takeout… You deserve love and care too!

Volunteer in your community.

If you’re feeling lonely, the greatest way to feel connected to your community is to give back. Volunteer with a group like the LA LGBT Center and see the impact you have on others.

Write a love letter to yourself.

This one is challenging, but try writing yourself a love letter. Write down: “Dear [name], I love you. Let me count the ways.” And list 20-30 things you love about yourself, or as many as you can. Read the letter out loud to yourself. Fold it up and slip it in a safe place to come back to it and reread it later.

This Valentine’s Day, I hope you feel loved by your community, your friends, your family, and most of all, yourself.

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community: Reflecting Back and Looking Ahead
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Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community 495 401 cj

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community
Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community: Reflecting Back and Looking Ahead

Gains and Losses in our LGBTQ+ Community

By Leo Kirkham

The New Year is a time for reflection and renewal. For the LGBTQ community, the New Year can be a time to remember the past year’s accomplishments and losses for queer and trans people.

There is no denying that 2022 was a difficult year for the LGBTQ community. From the Club Q mass shooting that left 5 dead, 19 injured, and an entire community grieving and destabilized, to armed far right Proud Boy protesters shutting down drag queen story times, our right to gather and express ourselves freely is being threatened by violence, intimidation, and hate.

2022 was a record year for anti-LGBTQ legislation: over 162 bills restricting LGBTQ rights were introduced in state legislatures. 58 were related to youth athletics, 44 had restrictions on curriculum, 30 had restrictions on adolescent healthcare, and 17 were related to religious and First Amendment exemptions.

But things are not all bad for the LGBTQ community. We are continuing to live and thrive as our authentic selves despite the hostility in the world.

In hopeful news, the House and the Senate just passed the Respect for Marriage Act, protecting same-sex and interracial marriages. Reception from the LGBTQ community has been mixed: on the one hand, the law passed and will protect same-sex marriages if the Supreme Court overturns Obergefell v. Hodges. On the other hand, it does not require states to legalize same-sex marriage, only to recognize legal marriages from other states.

Earlier this year, clinical trials began for three different HIV vaccines.

The Biden Administration began paying survivor’s benefits to LGBTQ elders.

Brittney Griner, a WNBA basketball star and Black lesbian, was just released from a Russian penal colony where she was held for ten months for possession of a vape containing hashish oil. She was returned to the U.S. during a prisoner exchange negotiated by the Biden administration.

This year, the “X” gender marker (an alternative to “F” and “M”) became available on U.S. passports. The Social Security Administration also no longer requires a doctor’s note to confirm a change of gender.

A new California bill will protect trans kids and their families fleeing states like Texas, Florida, Alabama, and Idaho which are criminalizing gender affirming healthcare for trans youth. SB 107 in California, proposed by Scott Wiener, will go into effect on January 1, 2023.

So what can we expect next year? We can only expect to see the progress that we fight for. The successes that we see in our public sphere and private lives must be celebrated as we continue to work toward justice and equality.

What are you doing next year for queer and trans kids? Some ways to give back are to donate to organizations like Equality Texas, Equality Florida, Trans Lifeline, Sylvia Rivera Law Project, and the Marsha P. Johnson Institute. You can also give a gift to a transgender youth this holiday season through Trans Santa. Consider joining your school board and advocating for LGBTQ students in your school district. Looking for more resources to support your child or trans youth in general? Check out transyouthequality.org/for-parents.

Next year, we can expect to see queer and trans resilience, excellence, love, and joy. We’re here, we’re queer, and it’s a new year.

Embracing Chosen Family Durning the Holidays and All Year Round
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Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round 495 401 cj

Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round
Embracing Chosen Family Durning the Holidays and All Year Round

Embracing Chosen Family During the Holidays and All Year Round

By Jay Baldwin

“It’s the most wonderful time….of the year.”

This time of year is typically associated with family gatherings full of celebrations, joy and togetherness. We are inundated by Hallmark movies, TV commercials, and social media posts that would have us believe that everyone should be sitting around a fireplace with their loved ones having the most wonderful holiday celebrations. Not everyone, however, has a family of origin they can or even want to be with for a variety of reasons. An increasing number of people, especially folks in the LGBTQ+ community, opt to surround themselves with their chosen family instead of their family of origin, not just during the holiday season but all year round.

Chosen families are the people we surround ourselves with who love us, support us and embrace us for exactly who we are. For many, they are far more loving and nurturing than the families they were born into. But it’s also important to note that a chosen family does *not* require the absence of a family of origin. Chosen family can exist as a powerful source of community in and of itself, or as an additional source of joy and support in addition to one’s family of origin.

Chosen families in the LGBTQ+ community have existed for decades. For centuries, the queer community has found a way to connect with each other and build systems of support when the heteronormative world was not a safe place to be seen and known. For many LGBTQ+ people who are seeking acceptance and understanding of their full selves, surrounding themselves with likeminded and like-identified folks can transform and even save their lives.

This holiday season, I invite you to think about our LGBTQ+ young people who are still navigating how to come out in their own families, facing rejection, or struggling to find their chosen family. I am proud to be donating to an organization called Transanta that helps deliver gifts to transgender youth in need, safely and anonymously. Transsanta was created because “right now, young trans people, particularly Black and Brown trans youth, are under attack across the country and around the world. The pandemic has exacerbated unsafe conditions for trans youth who are houseless, in foster care, in detention, and in abusive or otherwise unsafe housing situations. Transanta was created to show young people that they are loved, supported, and have a family of people around the world who care about them and want them to succeed.”

No matter what community we are a part of, we all desire and deserve meaningful and supportive connections throughout every stage of life. Whether you identify as LGBTQ+, or as a member of a different community entirely, I invite you to think about the concept of chosen family if you haven’t before, or what it means to be part of someone else’s chosen family. Who have you invited into your life who you consider family, even though you didn’t necessarily grow up with them? What kind of family do you want to surround yourself with and be a part of that you perhaps haven’t before? Whether you are with your family of origin, your chosen family, both, or neither, whether you are celebrating a lot, a little, or not at all, I see each and every one of you, and I wish you all a safe and healthy holiday season.

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week
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Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week 495 401 cj

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week
Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week

Celebrating Transgender Awareness Week

By Leo Kirkham

Five Topics to Learn About This Transgender Awareness Week

It’s Transgender Awareness Week, which runs from November 13 to 19, 2022 and culminates in National Trangender Day of Remembrance, November 20.

What is Transgender Day of Remembrance?

November 20 is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance, which started as a vigil for Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was murdered in 1998. Founded by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith, the vigil honored all transgender people lost to anti-trans violence that year, and became an annual observance.

One way to be a trans ally is to attend a local Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil. The vigil often involves reading a list of names of transgender people who died that year. Gender Justice LA is hosting a vigil and so is LA CA Network.

What are transgender youth facing right now?

In the current culture, there is a strong anti-trans backlash against the social progress that has been made for transgender and gender non-conforming people. Transgender youth are facing the brunt of this backlash, under the guise of “protecting children” from the “harm” of progressive gender norms.

In Florida, all transgender youth undergoing medical transition are being detransitioned and banned from receiving gender-affirming medical care. Many other states are considering bills to restrict or ban transition-related medical care for minors, and even for adults. Still other states are banning transgender students from participating in sports – even in states where there are no out transgender students trying to compete in sports.

According to the Trevor Project, 94% of LGBTQ youth reported that recent politics negatively impacted their mental health. More than half of transgender and nonbinary youth considered suicide in the past year.

Is the news all bad?

No When transgender and nonbinary youth live with people who respect their pronouns, they attempt suicide at half the rate as trans and nonbinary youth who lives with people who don’t. Trans and nonbinary youth are less suicidal when their schools, homes, and online spaces are transgender-affirming. And when those trans and nonbinary youth have access to gender affirming name changes and birth marker changes on legal documents, they have lower suicide attempts (Trevor Project).

In short: If you are a parent to a transgender youth and you are reading this, your child is safer and has better mental health as a direct result of your love and support.

Additionally, progress is being made nationally for transgender and LGBTQ rights. At least 16 states and Washington D.C. are ranked as “high” for gender equality, according to the Movement Advancement Project. That’s where 45% of the LGBTQ population lives. In 2020, the Supreme Court held that LGBTQ employees are protected from workplace discrimination. In 2021, the Biden administration extended Title IX protections to transgender students by requiring that schools receiving federal funding not discriminate on the basis of gender identity (U Chicago).

What about transgender history? Where can I learn about that?

Transgender people are in the news a lot right now – but we’re not new. We’ve been around for thousands of years, as long as human culture has.

Since ancient times, hijras in India and kathoeys in Thailand have formed social and spiritual communities with each other, centered around a transfeminine third gender role. Before European colonization and in modern times, North American Indigenous cultures have recognized Two-Spirit identities: people who reach beyond the traditional male and female gender roles. There were Roman priests and a Roman emperor (Elagabalus) believed to be trans women.

In more modern history, the early 1900s saw the first gender affirmation surgeries. Much progress was made by Magnus Hirschfeld at the German Institute of Sex Research for transgender medicine and trans rights, before his work was destroyed by the Nazi Party in 1933. In 1952, American trans woman Christine Jorgensen’s gender transition brought awareness to North America of sex reassignment surgery.

Lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender people fought back against police violence in the 1959 Coopers Donuts Riots, 1966 Compton’s Cafeteria Riot, and the 1969 Stonewall Riots. In the 1970s, Lou Sullivan started FTM International and pioneered visibility for gay trans men. At the same time, feminist groups began to resist the inclusion of trans women in their spaces, which has become known as trans-exclusionary radical feminism. In the 1980s, trans women were victims of the AIDS crisis alongside gay and bisexual men. By the 1990s and 2000s, the Transgender Day of Remembrance had begun and trans marches were gaining popularity. Trans people began to be elected to public offices, and legislation began to recognize the rights of people regardless of gender identity and expression (Wikipedia).

What else should I educate myself on as an ally?

Some important issues to be aware of as an ally are intersectionality and the ways that transgender people of color are doubly impacted by racism and transphobia. For example, Black trans people and other trans people of color are more likely to be discriminated against in a job, be homeless, experience interpersonal violence, or experience mental health problems. Trans people of color have higher rates of poverty and more barriers to receiving gender affirming medical care and legal name and gender marker changes (National LGBTQ Taskforce).

Transgender people are diverse. We come in as many varieties as you can imagine. Which means that trans people carry other marginalized identities alongside being transgender: trans people can be gay, lesbian, or bisexual as well; we can be disabled or neurodivergent; we can be people of color; we can be poor, homeless, or incarcerated. Being aware of the issues facing transgender people and other diverse groups in society is the first step to being a good trans ally.

Happy Transgender Awareness Week. Thank you for reading and learning with us.

Creating a Safe and Welcoming Holiday For Your Queer Child
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Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child 495 401 cj

Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child
Creating a Safe and Welcoming Holiday For Your Queer Child

Creating a Safe & Welcoming Holiday for Your Queer Child

By Leo Kirkham

The winter holidays are a time for family and friends to gather together in the spirit of gratitude and giving. But they can also be fraught with conflict and stress.

For LGBTQ people especially, the holidays can be a trying time. Whether they are visiting family who don’t fully accept their identities, being reminded of childhood trauma, seeing a past abuser, or struggling with an eating disorder, the holidays can bring up anxiety for queer and trans people.

You love and accept your queer child. So how can you make the holidays a safer, more welcoming space for your child?

Talk to your child

The first step is to have a conversation with your child about the upcoming holidays and any family visits. Ask them if they have any stress, anxiety, or worries about the holidays. Ask them how you can support them best. Ask what they need during the holiday, whether it is space and time to be alone, verbal support from you during family conversations, or the opportunity to be engaged in holiday activities like cooking and cleaning.

Talk to family members and friends

Have a conversation with any family and friends who will be visiting during the holiday. Set expectations early about what behavior is expected of them. Tell them that homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic comments will not be allowed.

If your child uses a different name or pronouns than what they grew up with, tell visiting family that they are expected to use the correct name and pronouns during their visit. Practice with them, and role model how to apologize if you make a mistake with pronouns. (Apologize briefly, say the sentence again with the correct pronoun, and move on. Do not over-apologize.) Treat your child the same as any other child.

Meaning, invite your child’s significant other to the holiday, if you would do the same for a heterosexual child. Treat their significant other with friendliness and respect. Welcome them as a part of the family.

Use your child’s preferred name and pronouns, just as you would for a cisgender* child. If you need to practice with pronouns to get it right, do so! Practice with other family members, practice writing sentences about your child, and practice using your child’s pronoun in your thoughts and out loud. If you need a resource for practicing with pronouns, try this website.

*Cisgender refers to someone who identities with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, if the doctors told your parents “it’s a girl!” when you were born and you identify as a woman today, you are a cisgender woman.

Ally is a verb, not a noun

Be an ally to your child during the holiday. If a homophobic or transphobic comment is made, don’t stay quiet. Speak up! Address the inappropriate comment and make it clear that similar language or attitudes will not be tolerated at your holiday.

If the conversation grows into an argument, give your child permission to leave the room while you work it out.

If you feel that an argument about LGBTQ issues is inevitable with your family, consider hosting a smaller gathering without homophobic or transphobic relatives so that your child can experience a peaceful and comfortable holiday with you.

Help another queer or trans child this holiday

Not every child is as lucky as yours. Many queer and trans kids do not have accepting families. Consider sharing your love and generosity with another child in need.

You can write a letter to an LGBTQ child this holiday season (Your Holiday Mom) or donate a gift to a trans child who otherwise couldn’t buy a binder, a pride flag, or an LGBTQ book (Trans Santa).

Thank you for reading, and happy holidays!

Coming Out Again and Again
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Coming Out Again & Again 495 401 cj

Coming Out Again & Again
Coming Out Again and Again

Coming Out Again & Again

By Leo Kirkham

As Dr. Sarah Bruce wrote in her blog post for last year’s Coming Out Day, coming out is a journey, not a destination. There is rarely one single moment in a person’s life where they come out, but rather, a series of choices every single day about whether to come out to the random stranger cutting your hair, or to your neighbor, or to your doctor. This puts LGBTQIA people in the position to choose safety or authenticity: Do I choose the comfort of this person knowing my identity, or the comfort of them not knowing?

Coming out can bring feelings of joy, relief, and even euphoria – but it can also bring feelings of fear or anxiety. For some LGBTQIA people, in their journey of exploring their gender and sexual orientation, find that they need to come out again as something new.

Personally, I came out as bisexual before I came out as a lesbian. Then I came out as nonbinary, changed my name, and starting using they/them pronouns. Each coming out marked a new stage of my journey to finding myself, and a step closer to my truest, most authentic self.

But coming out again, and again, was scary. Will the family members and friends who loved and accepted me as a lesbian, still love and accept me as nonbinary? Will they use my new name and pronouns? If I change my name or pronouns in the future, will they understand?

Every new coming out brings with it a new wave of doubts and what-ifs.

Sometimes, family members or friends are accepting of a person’s sexual orientation, but not their gender identity. Or they are okay with their child being gay, but they don’t believe bisexuality is real. Or they were fine with someone changing their name and pronouns once, but think, does that person have to change them again?

There is also the fear of reinforcing negative stereotypes about the LGBTQIA community. For example, I feared coming out as a lesbian and reinforcing the stereotype that bisexuality isn’t real, or that all bisexuals come out as gay in the end. This stereotype isn’t true, but often LGBTQIA folks, like other minorities, face the burden of having to represent their entire community. Stigma and stereotypes arise when individuals are taken to represent all LGBTQIA people.

Instead, we should give individuals the freedom to explore their identities without judgment. Every new coming out should be greeted with joy and celebration. Tell your child or loved one, “Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for being your true, authentic self with me.” By creating a safe environment for your loved ones, you encourage them to be confident, be brave, and be themselves.

How to Affirm Your LGBTQ+ Students
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How to Affirm your LGBTQ+ Students 495 401 cj

How to Affirm your LGBTQ+ Students
How to Affirm Your LGBTQ+ Students

How to Affirm your LGBTQ+ Students

By Jay Baldwin

It’s back to school season, and schools across the United States are welcoming a new set of youth into their classrooms. Going back to school can cause a variety of emotions for students, and LGBTQ+ students are no exception. Many queer and transgender young people have a particular set of challenges to navigate in school settings, and teachers and school staff can make a profound difference in their LGBTQ+ students’ lives by showing them support, affirmation and acceptance. The statistics for many students in the LGBTQ+ community are staggering. The Trevor Projects’ National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health reports:

  • 6 in 10 LGBT students report feeling unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
  • LGBTQ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers

It is important to emphasize that LGBTQ youth are not inherently prone to suicide risk and mental health issues because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, but are at higher risk because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society. (Trevor Project, 2022)

As a teacher, staff or other student support individual, here is the statistic that is most important to remember:
LGBTQ youth who report having at least one accepting adult in their lives are 40% less likely to report a suicide attempt in the past year.

Being an accepting adult could save one of your students’ lives. Here are some simple but meaningful ways that you can be an affirming and accepting adult for your students:

Create visual cues in your office/classroom that signal support for the community

Because many people in the LGBTQ+ community rely on non-verbal cues to know whether someone or somewhere is safe and accepting, small items like a rainbow flag, a safe space sticker, or a pronoun pin that says your own pronouns can signal to your students that you are going to affirm and support their identity.

Avoid gendered language

Using non gendered language is one of the simplest but most affirming ways to create an inclusive atmosphere and also avoid misgendering students. Instead of saying “boys and girls” or “ladies and gentlemen,” try “folks”, “everyone” or “friends.” Use your students’ names as opposed to referring to them with “Mr. or Ms.”

Ask students how they’d like to be referred to

Some students may use a different name or pronouns than you may first assume. One helpful tool is creating a “getting to know you” form that includes asking students what pronouns and name they’d like you to use for them at the beginning of the school year. Because some students live in homes that do not affirm their identity, make sure to ask whether or not it’s okay to use these pronouns and name when speaking with their parents or caregivers.

Keep an open mind, and be prepared to make mistakes

Do you have a student whose identity you don’t completely understand? Maybe you keep slipping up on pronouns, or feel like you don’t know the right terminology? It’s okay to make mistakes or not understand everything right away. The most important part is to keep an open mind, apologize when you make a mistake, and be committed to continually getting to know your students and the ways they want to be seen and known.

Provide statements of affirmation.

Tell your students that their identities are valuable and beautiful. In a world where LGBTQ+ people are regularly under attack, your students need this more than ever.

 

Wishing you all a wonderful back to school season, and here is to creating a safer and more inclusive world for all of our LGBTQ+ youth.

Coming Out As the Parent of An LGBTQ+ Child
Coming Out as the Parent of an LGBTQ+ Child 495 401 Jay Baldwin

Coming Out as the Parent of an LGBTQ+ Child
Coming Out As the Parent of An LGBTQ+ Child

Coming Out as the Parent of an LGBTQ+ Child

By Jay Baldwin

Every week, I meet parents who tell me the story about their child or young adult coming out to them as LGBTQ+. For some parents, their child came out to them at an early age and they are a few years into their journey. For other parents, their children only just came out in the past few weeks or months and they are just starting to navigate what it all means. Whatever the case may be, just as a LGBTQ+ youth has their own coming out process, parents and caregivers of LGBTQ+ youth will have their own coming out process too.

Some parents may find it easy to accept their child as LGBTQ+, while others may express hesitation or uncertainty about their child’s identity. While the journey to understand, accept and affirm an LGBTQ+ child throughout their life is not linear by any means, there are often common themes, themes and emotions that I see expressed by parents who are raising an LGBTQ+ child, regardless of their level of acceptance. Often, this starts with a lot of questions that come from a place of uncertainty, confusion and fear. Depending on one’s cultural and religious beliefs, many parents may wonder things like:

Is my child just going through a phase? Will my child ever get married or have children? Did my parenting style cause my child to be this way? How will people treat my child? How and when do I share my child’s identity with others? 

At Kaleidoscope, we want parents to know that these are all normal and understandable questions and reactions to a child’s LGBTQ+ identity. We also want parents to know that we offer several support groups for parents of LGBTQ+ youth to share their experiences, give and receive support, and learn about valuable resources. Here are a few commonly asked questions:

I’m nervous about attending a support group. What can I expect?

The purpose of our groups is to support you wherever you are in your journey. You are welcome here, and you will not be judged or shamed in any way.

I love my child, and I am also grieving the life I thought my child may have had. Can a support group help me with these kinds of feelings?

Parent support groups can help parents realize that grieving is a process. It is not linear and it takes time to adjust. It can be comforting to talk with other parents who may have similar feelings or initial reactions. Sharing these emotions in a safe space can provide an opportunity for self-exploration of one’s own biases and fears. It can often provide parents with a sense of hope to hear from other parents who have moved from a place of grief to acceptance.

There are groups for parents of neurotypical children and neurodivergent LGBTQ+ children. Is parenting an LGBTQ+ child similar for both cohorts?

Although each child with autism has a unique experience, LGBTQIA+ young people that are also on the autism spectrum may face more complex challenges than their neurotypical peers. It’s important to listen to these young people and consider the potential influence of certain factors, such as theory of mind deficits, social challenges, sensory sensitivity, and more, while also recognizing that autistic youth have as much of a right to identify and express who they are as neurotypical young people.

I’m interested! Where do I sign up? 

If you are interested in joining our Parent/Caregivers Support Group in English or in Spanish, please contact Dr. Joselyn Valle at [email protected]

To inquire about our new Parent Education Group for Parents of LGBTQ+ Autistic Youth that begins in September, contact Dr. Sarah Bruce at [email protected]

Kaleidoscope's Pride Month Recap
  • By:
Pride Month 2022 Recap 495 400 cj

Pride Month 2022 Recap
Kaleidoscope's Pride Month Recap
kaleidoscope's

Pride Month 2022 Recap

All of us at Kaleidoscope so enjoyed Pride Month 2022. June was a busy month for us and we thoroughly enjoyed participating in so many joyful Pride events.

We kicked off our month with Pasadena’s DCFS LGBTQIA+ Resource Fair on June 1st. It was a true pleasure to share information about our program with the many wonderful DCFS staff who attended the Resource Fair, and we appreciated their interest in our program.

Our next event was the fabulous WeHo Pride Street Festival and Parade on June 4th and 5th. The atmosphere during this weekend was positive, upbeat, and inclusive. The LGBTQIA+ community and their allies brought the fun and everyone was in a great mood. We gave rainbow striped notepads, erasers and lanyards to the folks visiting our booth and we were told our unique pronoun pins were the most popular give-away at the event.

The celebration continued at LA Pride on June 11th. We were truly honored to be a beneficiary of Cheer LA’s fundraising. Cheer LA is an active group of volunteers seeking to promote awareness, spirit, and diversity in the LGBTQIA+ community through dynamic cheer, dance, and stunt performances. Kaleidoscope is thrilled and grateful to receive over $1000 from Cheer LA.

We wrapped up June with one last event, the San Fernando Valley Pride Party on June 25. This family event, held at the Van Nuys Civic Center, was filled with joy, pride, and lots of karaoke!

In addition to attending Pride events, we provided two training sessions for the staff at Muskingum Health Center in Zanesville, Ohio. Muskingum Behavioral Health offers compassionate and effective counseling, prevention and recovery services along with recovery housing. Our Kaleidoscope team members provided a “LGBTQIA+ 101” training to the staff and a “Best LGBTQIA+ Practices for Clinicians” for their clinical staff.

We provided one training session and facilitated three candid conversations for the Segal Benz corporation. We received feedback that these sessions were transformative for the attendees and Segal Benz said they were so thrilled with the Kaleidoscope presenters that they booked their 2023 with us!

And to round out the month, Kaleidoscope provided a webcast on June 7th titled, “Providing Affirming Therapeutic Support to LGBTQIA+ Youth and Young Adults.” This free webcast offered practical strategies and suggestions for mental health professionals, educators, parents, allies, and the community at large. If you missed it or would like to re-watch it, please click here for the recording.

All in all, it was a fun and productive month. If you would like to lend your support to The Help Group’s Kaleidoscope program, please donate here.

Happy Pride everybody!

Laurie the Kaleidoscope pride booth
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Staff members a the Kaleidoscope pride booth
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Staff members a the Kaleidoscope pride booth
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Staff members talking to a group of young adults at a pride event
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photo of Jeri Rochman and Laurie Stephens standing behind a pride booth
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Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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