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Parent Support Group

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A Conversation With Dr. Valle of Parent Support Groups 495 401 cj

A Conversation With Dr. Valle of Parent Support Groups
About The Value of Parent Support Groups

A Conversation With Kaleidoscope Therapist Dr. Joselyn Valle

Growing up is rarely a smooth and easy journey. This is especially true when you are figuring out who you are, and trying to affirm and assert your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Parents of LGBTQIA+ children and teens may find their child’s maturation a challenging time. But family support and acceptance is vital to the physical and emotional health of young people who identify as LGBTQIA+.

Joining a parent support group is a wonderful resource for parents of LGBTQIA+ children as it can be comforting to talk with fellow parents who are on the same journey. Kaleidoscope offers a free ongoing, monthly support group for parents and caregivers of LGBTQIA+ young people for both English and Spanish speakers.

I am the proud mom of a gay son and a member of Kaleidoscope’s parent group. I find our meetings to be uplifting and inspiring. Recently I had a conversation with our group leader, Kaleidoscope Therapist Dr. Joselyn Valle, and we talked about the importance of group support:

Can you explain what a parent support group is all about?

A parent support group is a safe space where parents and caregivers alike come together to connect, relate, and support one another. Participants are often able to share their stories of parenthood, exchange community resources, and build relationships with others who hold similar experiences.

Kaleidoscope’s parent groups are for parents of neurotypical and neurodivergent LGBTQIA+ kids and teens. Do you find that there is commonality for both groups in the parenting experience?

Parenthood is unique to each caregiver and although there may be differences between supporting a neurotypical and neurodivergent LGBTQIA+ child, Kaleidoscope is intentional in their mission to create spaces where parents are able to engage with their communities. Kaleidoscope offers a six-week, parent education group that focuses on the intersection between Autism and LGBTQIA+ identities. Additionally, monthly support groups are offered for all caregivers of LGBTQIA+ youth, because love is the core commonality for both groups in the parenting experience.

What would you say to a parent that would like to attend our parent support group but feels a bit nervous about it. What can they expect?

It’s natural and normal to feel nervous about trying something new. Parent support groups are approximately 60 minutes in length and are guided by a Kaleidoscope team member that helps facilitate group conversations. New participants can expect to enter a judgment-free zone where they can truly explore their journey in parenthood. Whether it’s by sharing their own story or listening to others, participants often report feeling less alone and/or feeling more empowered after engaging in our parent support groups.

Some parents of LGBTQIA+ kids may feel confused and anxious about their child’s coming out. Is a parent support group a safe space for parents who love their kids but are struggling with acceptance?

Yes, a parent support group is for all parents who love their LGBTQIA+ child, and especially for those who may be having a more difficult time embracing their child. Parents are often at different points in their journey and connecting with others who may have experienced similar challenges in the past can serve as a source of validation, wisdom, and inspiration.

Sometimes parents are worried about using the correct terminology when speaking about their LGBTQIA+ kids or about LGBTQIA+ issues in general. Do you think a parent support group can help address these concerns?

We are all human, and mistakes (aka opportunities for growth) will happen. Kaleidoscope provides a safe environment with unconditional positive regard to encourage group participants in their understanding of LGBTQIA+ issues and their ability to engage more inclusively with the community. Remember, we’re in this together!

We hope you will join Dr. Joselyn Valle at our Parent Support groups. Our Support group for English speaking parents is held on the 2nd Thursday of each month, from 6-7pm on Zoom. Our Support Group for Spanish speaking parents is held on the 4th Thursday of each month, from 6-7pm on Zoom. To sign up to attend, please email

Dr. Joselyn Valle at [email protected]

Joselyn Valle, Psy.D.

Dr. Valle is a Kaleidoscope’s new bilingual therapist in support of the mental health & overall wellbeing of neurodivergent and neurotypical LGBTQIA+ folx and their allies available to provide services in Spanish también.

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What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary? 495 401 cj

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

What Does It Mean To Identify As Non-Binary?

If you watched the Sex And the City reboot titled, And Just Like That, then you saw the character Charlotte learn that her 13 year old child Rose now identifies as non-binary and wants to be called Rock. Charlotte is at first utterly baffled but then decides to learn all she can about what it means to be non-binary. At the series’ end, Charlotte is completely supportive of her child.Some viewers of the show found Charlotte’s journey very relatable, while for others this may have been the first time they learned about people who identify as non-binary.

What does the term non-binary mean? Non-binary can mean different things to different people. For some, being non-binary means they don’t identify as exclusively male or female. Other non-binary people may have a fluctuating gender identity or identify as nongendered. If your child identifies as non-binary, then the best way to understand how your child defines themselves is to ask your child how they personally define non-binary.

To further explain, when a baby is born, the doctor assigns the gender as male or female based on external anatomy. However, as the child grows up, the gender assigned at birth may not align with how the child feels internally. We now know that gender is a social construct, meaning children are socialized to behave in ways that align with society’s expectation for what is “male” or “female”. Some children feel strongly that their assigned gender does not fit with who they are as a person and those people identify as transgender. And some children feel that they are both male and female genders, or neither gender, or maybe that their gender changes. These people identify as being on the non-binary spectrum. Other terms for non-binary are genderfluid, genderqueer, or agender. How a person feels about themselves is very unique so there is no way to look at a person and know how they identify.

When your child declares that they are non-binary, it is a normal reaction to feel scared or confused. Some parents feel a sense of grief for the loss of what was and find it challenging to move to a place of embracing their child for who they are now. If you find yourself struggling, you can seek support and counseling from Kaleidoscope’s therapeutic services or join with other parents of non-binary children in a safe environment such as Kaleidoscope’s free monthly Parent Support Groups.

Although parents may feel overwhelmed when their child shares that they are non-binary, parents should do their best to respond to their child in a non-judgemental  and compassionate manner. It is important to remember how brave their child was to share their authentic self with their parents, and how confusing it must be for them as they travel this journey of self-discovery.

Parents should focus on being their child’s support team and to be there with love and affirmations. Tell your child that you love them and accept them unconditionally. Let your child take the lead. Ask what pronouns they prefer and if they are comfortable with their name. If they decide to use a chosen name and different pronouns, make every effort to use them.

A parent’s support can give their non-binary child the secure foundation for their healthy development. Parents can demonstrate love and support by showing interest, asking questions and trying to learn all they can about their child’s identity.  For example, ask your child if they would like your help with advocating regarding any school related issues, such as their new name added to the school’s roster of students.

One issue that can be difficult for parents is when their child informs them that they no longer want to be called by their “deadname” which is a term for the name given at birth. Some parents find it painful that their child loathes the name that they spent time choosing and bestowed with love. But their child may feel that their deadname represents the pain they feel when forced to be in a gender category that doesn’t feel “right” to them. Selecting a new name signifies a fresh start and the hope of a more content sense of self. When a parent uses the name their child prefers, it signals acceptance and love, and the understanding that your child is who they want to be.

All parents want their children to lead happy and fulfilled lives. By following their child’s lead, by demonstrating affirmative support, and by loving their child unconditionally, parents of non-binary children are helping to chart their path toward a happy life.

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS

Jeri Rochman, JD, MS, is the Advance LA Director of Community Outreach, a Life Skills Coach, National Board Certified Counselor and Certified Parent Educator. Interested in learning more about Advance LA’s services?

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The Value of Parent Support Groups 495 400 cj

The Value of Parent Support Groups

The Value of Parent Support Groups

Growing up is rarely a smooth and easy journey. This is especially true when you are figuring out who you are, and trying to affirm and assert your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Parents of LGBTQIA+ children and teens may also find their child’s maturation a challenging time. But family support and acceptance is vital to the physical and emotional health of young people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer.

Joining a parent support group is a wonderful resource for parents of LGBTQIA+ children as it can be comforting to talk with fellow parents who are on the same journey. Kaleidoscope offers an ongoing, bi-monthly support group for parents and caregivers of LGBTQIA+ young people.

I am the proud parent of a gay son and a member of Kaleidoscope’s parent group. I find our meetings to be uplifting and inspiring. Recently I had a conversation with our group leader, Kaleidoscope Therapist Bryan Scheihing, and we talked about the importance of group support:

Hi Bryan, Can You Describe The Dynamics Of A Parent Support Group?

A support group helps participants cope with common challenges that they are facing or have faced. Kaleidoscope’s support group is a safe space for parents to connect with one another, share their experiences, give and receive support, and learn about resources.

How Can A Support Group Help Parents Prepare For Mental Health Challenges Their Child May Face?

Attending our support group can help parents gain skills that will allow them to feel prepared if their child develops mental health challenges related to their LGBTQIA+ identity. Conversations regarding potential challenges, adversity, and safety concerns are instructive for parents and allow them to help their child develop the “emotional armor” they need to withstand negative messaging and recognize that the real problem lies with those perpetuating the message.

Our parent group is also a source of information so that parents can learn how to help their LGBTQIA+ child develop a strong sense of self-esteem which can serve as a protective factor to help reduce feelings of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse behaviors. In addition, parents in our group learn about opportunities available to their child to help find peers to connect with and how to access resources within the LGBTQIA+ community.

What Advice Do You Give To Parents Who Feel Stressed, Confused, Or Surprised By Their Child’s Coming Out?

That these are normal reactions! At Kaleidoscope, we always assume that parents are coming from a good place and want what is best for their children. For many parents, acceptance of their child is just a natural response. For other parents, acceptance is a journey. There are parents for whom their initial reaction may be that they won’t be able to accept their LGBTQIA+ child’s identity. In those times, it may be helpful to think no matter how difficult it may be for a parent to learn about their child’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity, it was much, much more difficult for a young person to come out to their parents. Our group is a safe space for parents to share their feelings about their child’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity with other parents on the same journey without fear of judgement.

How Can The Support Group Help Parents Who Love And Support Their LGBTQIA+ Child But Are Feeling A Sense Of Grief That The Life They Had Imagined For Their Child May Not Come To Be?

The support group can help parents realize that grieving is a process; it is not linear and it takes time to adjust. Talking with other parents who may have had similar initial reactions can be comforting. Sharing feelings can provide an opportunity for self-exploration of one’s own biases and fears. Sometimes a parent’s grief stems from the fear that their child may not get to experience certain aspects of life as a result of their gender identification and/or sexual orientation. For example, many parents who initially mourned their LGBTQIA+ child’s coming out as meaning their child would not have children of their own, now find themselves being proud grandparents! Often parents will say that hearing another parent in the group describe how they moved from grief to acceptance to fully embracing their LGBTQIA+ child is a source of solace and hope.

Sometimes In Our Group Discussions, A Parent Will Share That They Feel That They Have Done Something Wrong That Caused Their Child To Identify As LGBTQIA+. How Does Our Group Support Parents Who Feel This Way?

Our group is an opportunity to talk about how identifying as LGBTQIA+ is not a choice or a reaction to anything, but a recognition of who one is in regard to their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. (Note the word orientation is used rather than preference to demonstrate that this is how one naturally is and not somehow choosing to be.) The choice that’s involved is whether or not to authentically express this orientation and identity to others.

Our group is a safe space where parents can share their worries and provides an opportunity to ask questions and to get clarity on LGBTQIA+ concepts that may be misunderstood. We talk openly in the group that it is a heteronormative bias that something has “gone wrong” when someone is LGBTQIA+. Every human being has a sexual orientation and gender identity. The fact that some orientations and identities are different from others does not make them wrong – it just makes them different. And that’s perfectly okay.

Our Group Is For Parents Of Neurotypical And Neurodivergent LGBTQIA+ Children. Have You Found That Parenting A LGBTQIA+ Child Is Similar For Both Cohorts?

Although each child with autism has a unique experience, LGBTQIA+ young people that are also on the autism spectrum may face more complex challenges than their neurotypical peers. It’s important to listen to these young people and consider the potential influence of certain factors, such as theory of mind deficits, social challenges, sensory sensitivity, and more, while also recognizing that youth with autism have as much of a right to identify and express who they are as neurotypical young people.

What Would You Say To A Parent That Wants To Attend Our Support Group But Feels A Bit Nervous About It. What Can They Expect?

I would tell them: You are not alone. Not in your experience of having a LGBTQIA+ child, not in your concern for wanting to support them, and not in your experience of feeling anxious about engaging with other parents. Culturally, many of us were raised to keep such “family issues” to ourselves, which only perpetuates stigma. The purpose of the group is to support you in your experience. You will not be shamed or judged for your feelings. You will be welcomed.

Support Group
Serendipity DoDah
PFLAG

Thank you Bryan for your insight and guidance. If you are interested in joining our Kaleidoscope Parent Group or have questions about the group, please email.

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